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Keywords:

• just joined the mile high club.

Description: if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

Keywords:

• im partying with a unicorn.

Description: you don't even know.

Keywords:

• grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.

Keywords:

• i just criticized

Description: a porno's use of editing. film school is ruining me.

Keywords:

• please don't throw the wedding bouquet

Description: at me

Keywords:

• sober me hid the cigs from drunk me.

Comment: homonka.

Description: sober me is a tricky bitch.

Keywords:

• that's ok.

Comment: homonka.

Description: our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.

Keywords:

• you have all of her herpes

Comment: homonka.

Description: and none of my sympathy

Keywords:

• hey just checking if u still hate me

Comment: homonka.

Description: for sleeping with your sister?

Keywords:

• we planned for the zombie apocalypse.

Comment: homonka.

Description: in great detail. of course there was booze involved.

Keywords:

• just ate panda express.

Comment: kewpie.

Description: fortune cookie had no fortune in it. i actually prefer this. less broken dream potential.

Keywords:

• the fact that my boss lets me

Comment: kewpie.

Description: drink on my lunch break makes mondays much easier.

Keywords:

• ...is this motivational speaking

Comment: kewpie.

Description: or sexting? it's getting hard to tell.

Keywords:

• people are talking politics

Comment: kewpie.

Description: and I have had 9 mimosas

Keywords:

• you know you've made it

Comment: kewpie.

Description: when it's your own pool table you're waking up on